Life 2.1

…of adding myself to the family photo this year. Never mind the fact that I was watching some antler-clad drunk girl drop F-bombs to the flight crew at the moment this picture was actually taken. Please also ignore the fact that I look like an alcoholic who can’t even put her glass of wine down for a family photo.

Just like I was there

I was watching a rerun of the Cosby Show this evening and saw this commercial.

I was so in shock at the fact that is was indeed a real commercial and not a spoof that I immediately got off the couch and youtube’d it and had to share.

I’m still speechless. I mean, where do I even begin with this??

Seriously!?!

So I would assume that everyone who knows me knows by now my travel debacle on Christmas Eve.

It was heinous, to say the least.

The quick version is that snow in Dallas (yea, Texas. I know. {shaking my head in disgust}) messed up DFW something fierce and my flight from New Orleans to DFW was delayed almost 2 hours, we were in a holding pattern above the airport for another 3, at which point I missed my connection, but got the pleasure of waving to them as they backed away from the gate, then had to wait another 5 hours before I got to take off for Sacramento, where I landed at 2:30am, followed by a drive home to Napa where I hugged my mother and promptly closed my eyes in my old room at 4am. It was special.

But, on the flip side, I did actually get OUT of DFW on Christmas Eve Christmas Day and I didn’t have to fight people off for a portable cot which were being put out for customer use at the airport. I also wasn’t that girl wearing red tights, a red ballet tutu, a red Members-Only jacket, Uggs and felt antlers who was heavily intoxicated and only knew one adjective which began with an F and rhymed with ‘tuck’, only to still have plenty of time in the airport after the bars stopped serving to sober up and sob profusely to ticket agents to let her on the (my) flight. It coulda been worse.

Although I wish I would have seen her and reminded myself of that while I was hovering over Dallas waiting to land, brushing back tears at the thought of missing the holiday with my family, because, yea, that happened too. Another highlight to remember fondly.

In other news, I did get to open presents with my family on Christmas morning and have Christmas dinner at my uncle and aunt’s house and saw some of my family on my dad’s side. And I took pictures. And got a new, updated picture of my family and me. Although I think it was my mom who wore the shutter button down on my camera.

And I also got to have my girls’ lunch at Michael Chiarello’s new restaurant in Yountville called Bottega. It was tasty, to say the least and I very much enjoyed my company and our conversations. I’m pretty sure we could solve the world’s problems if you put us in a table in the corner and just keep bringing us food and coffee. Maybe a little champagne every once in a while too.

Either way, the trip wasn’t for naught. Here’s a smattering of the 10 seconds that I was in town (click to enlarge):

Ted checks out the album

Joe thought we should drink to the fact that I actually made it home

Dad and Kevin getting the main course ready

Joe and I sampling wines at Christmas dinner

The family

Post Christmas party

After a very tasty meal filled with good conversation: (Top row) Cindy, me, Sheri, Mom (Seated) Shawn and Dawn

If you’re looking to see how I spent the other 17 minutes of my trip home, I have posted them on my shutterfly page.

I would post more but a) I wasn’t there long enough to do anything else to post about and b) I’m exhausted from my red eye flight home in which I was in the middle seat both legs. Why do the airlines hate me?

Dear Mother Nature,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that we’re breaking up. I really felt like we had a chance after you downgraded Hurricane Ida to a Tropical Depression back in November but you know what Mother Nature? You really let me down this Christmas Eve and I just don’t think we can recover from it. You knew how much Christmas Eve with my family meant to me and you brought snow. To Dallas. On Christmas Eve. Instead I didn’t arrive home until 4am. The next day. That is an awful, spiteful thing to do to a person.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this over my blog, but we’re through Mother Nature.

Signed,

Me

…I learned from watching CHiPs (which happened to be my absolute favorite show growing up. Yes, I’m perfectly aware of the fact that I was born during its final season.)

Since I have been stranded at multiple airports alllll day (none of which are in California–more on today in another post), I made a list that I will now share. I call it my “Everything I ever needed to know about driving in CA, I learned from watching CHiPs” list. I might turn it into a poster.

• Reckless driving will inevitably lead to a car rolling over or taking flight (which is almost guaranteed to be in slow motion).
• Free time is really best spent hang gliding, parasailing or jet-skiing.
• Never keep your purse on the passenger seat of your car because an old high school teammate who has taken to a life of crime after falling on hard times could roll up beside you on a motorcycle in stop-and-go traffic and snatch it.
• Guns never really need to be drawn. The sheer presence of a knight stick usually draws the “aww-shucks-kick-the-dirt-with-the-big-toe” surrender of the culprit.
• Lost/runaway children can always be found playing a cement river bed.
• Never feed your infant baby food found on the side of the road, even if it looks like it’s in a box from the company, then drive up a canyon road with limited vehicle access, as the food probably contains poison that causes botulism and CHP will be forced to rig together a baby bjorn and ride your infant down the canyon road to the waiting ambulence. You will still be trapped on the mountain road because you drive a VW bus and not a CHP motor.
• If, while driving, you spot a low-flying plane in distress, slowly begin weaving across lanes of traffic to slow vehicles down to clear a runway for the plane’s emergency landing.
• The CHP will always beat the LAPD in basketball, racquetball or any other sport in which they compete. Victory can be attributed to the shorty shorts that make up the uniform.
• If live power lines ever fall on the trunk of your car, that’s leaking gasoline, while you’re inside, stay put because not only will your rubber tires save you (and maybe your baby’s) life but it’s only a matter of time before a good-looking CHP officer flings himself onto the hood of your car to save you.
• Your car will always catch fire in a crash. Always. And you will always get pulled out by a CHP officer just before it blows. Always.
• If you run a car-theft ring in Southern California, you will be thwarted by the CHP.
• High-speed chase music is best when created with a combination of a trumpet and a synthesizer.

**I am adding a disclaimer that the above is for funsies, not real life. I can just see myself getting sued because I told some ya-hoo to weave across lanes of traffic to help the plane land and he tells authorities that “someone online told him to”.**